ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
