Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
