i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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