Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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