he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
