There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
