dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
