Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
