apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
