ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
