Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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