Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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