My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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