we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
