Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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