I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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