did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
