oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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