I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
