erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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