He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
