I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have fence marks all over my body
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
