also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
