Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
