He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize