Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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