You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
