when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
