Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
