If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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