Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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