My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
