I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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