I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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