i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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