We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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