Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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