Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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