Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found puke in my bra..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
