i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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