if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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