my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bring money and cleavage
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
