Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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