I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
