You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
