Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
