The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
