When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
