I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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