Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
