I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
