Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
