Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize