I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
did i just pee glitter
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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