I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
