There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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