He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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