we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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