I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize