Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
