I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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