Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
