my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i used baking grease as lip gloss
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
