Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
