At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
