her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
