Just mADE A PArabola og urine
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
