tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
