i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
