Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
